Slow week at The Theorem largely because Nils is lazy and I am not particularly interested in the latest steroid psuedo-drama. But I couldn't pass this piece by Carl Steward entitled "Next generation must restore baseball's purity."
[Purity should definitely be in ironic air quotes, right?]
If the sanctity of Major League Baseball is to be restored, it'll be the next generation of players, not the ever-growing cast of tarnished stars, that does it.
[Restored??]
It's a ray of hope in a sad, sordid time for the game.
[Really? If *now* is a sad, sordid time for the game, what would we call the ENTIRE period before 1947?]
Desire to shake fist at the sky > Having perspective.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sanctimony is the new black!
Ian O'Connor is on a roll.
In the real world, the Yankees would do what employers always do when they discover an employee has deceived them. They’d fire Rodriguez.
[Unless the deceit was limited to your tax return.]
The fans don’t want him. His teammates don’t want him. Even the old-timers have had their fill. “I was just across the street having a beer when all the TV kept showing was A-Rod hitting homers,” Whitey Ford said from his Florida home. “I made the owner of the place change the channel. I don’t know A-Rod, but this steroid thing is the same story over and over, and I’m sick of it.”
[This might be my favorite reaction to date. According to The Baseball Page .Com profile of Whitey Ford, they list his "Best Strength as a Player" as follows:
His willingness and ability to skirt the rules. Ford was a master at doctoring the baseball. He bragged that he could cut a baseball in more ways than any other pitcher. Ford sharpened the edges of his wedding ring and used it to cut slices in the ball, as well as the buckle on his belt. He also had his catchers, including Elston Howard, sharpen their belt buckles. One of his most famous inventions was a "gunk ball" which he loaded with a mixture of baby oil, resin, and turpentine. Several other pitchers, teammates and opponents, claim that Ford taught them how to throw the spitball and cutball.]
Good times.
In the real world, the Yankees would do what employers always do when they discover an employee has deceived them. They’d fire Rodriguez.
[Unless the deceit was limited to your tax return.]
The fans don’t want him. His teammates don’t want him. Even the old-timers have had their fill. “I was just across the street having a beer when all the TV kept showing was A-Rod hitting homers,” Whitey Ford said from his Florida home. “I made the owner of the place change the channel. I don’t know A-Rod, but this steroid thing is the same story over and over, and I’m sick of it.”
[This might be my favorite reaction to date. According to The Baseball Page .Com profile of Whitey Ford, they list his "Best Strength as a Player" as follows:
His willingness and ability to skirt the rules. Ford was a master at doctoring the baseball. He bragged that he could cut a baseball in more ways than any other pitcher. Ford sharpened the edges of his wedding ring and used it to cut slices in the ball, as well as the buckle on his belt. He also had his catchers, including Elston Howard, sharpen their belt buckles. One of his most famous inventions was a "gunk ball" which he loaded with a mixture of baby oil, resin, and turpentine. Several other pitchers, teammates and opponents, claim that Ford taught them how to throw the spitball and cutball.]
Good times.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Who is to blame for the A-Rod situation? Hank Steinbrenner. Oh, and Warren Buffett
In general, nothing gets sportswriters going like outrage; and nothing seems to create outrage quite like steroids (unless it is an NFL player). Ian O'Connor gets the ball rolling nicely.
Hank [Steinbrenner] signed off on a $305 million contract worth more than some major-league teams, a deal including $30 million in bonuses for slaying baseball’s sultans of swat. Never mind that the fan base couldn’t stand A-Rod, and that the DNA of the game’s most gifted player was so clearly missing that indefinable winner’s gene.
[Yeah, because it is smart to emphasize "indefinable winner's gene" over "the game's most gifted player" in that analysis. Maybe Cashman should have run a few gels before signing off on the new contract.]
Do Warren Buffett and the money guys at Goldman Sachs deserve a little grief from Yankees fans for bridging the troubled waters separating A-Rod and their team. Sure, why not?
[Ummm, because that's stupid?]
But Hank was the voice of the franchise at the time.
[Voice = Sole decision-maker]
As it turned out, Hank would’ve been much better off letting A-Rod sign with the Toledo Mud Hens.
[I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls!]
There isn’t going to be a next employer; Rodriguez is too radioactive for any team to take.
[Umm, I'll take him, right?]
Hank [Steinbrenner] signed off on a $305 million contract worth more than some major-league teams, a deal including $30 million in bonuses for slaying baseball’s sultans of swat. Never mind that the fan base couldn’t stand A-Rod, and that the DNA of the game’s most gifted player was so clearly missing that indefinable winner’s gene.
[Yeah, because it is smart to emphasize "indefinable winner's gene" over "the game's most gifted player" in that analysis. Maybe Cashman should have run a few gels before signing off on the new contract.]
Do Warren Buffett and the money guys at Goldman Sachs deserve a little grief from Yankees fans for bridging the troubled waters separating A-Rod and their team. Sure, why not?
[Ummm, because that's stupid?]
But Hank was the voice of the franchise at the time.
[Voice = Sole decision-maker]
As it turned out, Hank would’ve been much better off letting A-Rod sign with the Toledo Mud Hens.
[I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls!]
There isn’t going to be a next employer; Rodriguez is too radioactive for any team to take.
[Umm, I'll take him, right?]
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Everyone loves a bad boy
Bob Kravitz of IndyStar.com writes why he thinks Bob Knight would be a good hire by the University of Georgia. The bottom-line, according to Kravitz?
For all of his behavioral excesses -- the bullying, the sexism and the rest -- the bottom line is, college basketball is better with Knight.
[Sorry, ladies!]
For all of his behavioral excesses -- the bullying, the sexism and the rest -- the bottom line is, college basketball is better with Knight.
[Sorry, ladies!]
Wishful thinking!
Brian Windhorst of the Cleveland Plain Dealer thinks that even after a 52-point, triple-double performance at MSG, Knick fans are SOOOO over LeBron.
Like most of the Northeast, the country's largest city is in a veritable midwinter deep freeze these days. For now, apparently, so is the unfolding LeBron James 2010 drama.
[Is he serious? He can't be serious, right?]
After getting peppered about his future during the Cavaliers' previous visit in November, James enjoyed a more subdued trip to Madison Square Garden on Wednesday.
[Did Windhorst miss the part where LBJ was the first person since *1975* to score 50+ and register a triple-double in the same game? Definitely a more subdued trip.]
Even the questions from reporters during James' pregame media session focused on his recent play and the Cavs' All-Star snubs.
[Like that time he went for 52, 11 and 10? Yeah, I'd probably ask about that too.]
Like most of the Northeast, the country's largest city is in a veritable midwinter deep freeze these days. For now, apparently, so is the unfolding LeBron James 2010 drama.
[Is he serious? He can't be serious, right?]
After getting peppered about his future during the Cavaliers' previous visit in November, James enjoyed a more subdued trip to Madison Square Garden on Wednesday.
[Did Windhorst miss the part where LBJ was the first person since *1975* to score 50+ and register a triple-double in the same game? Definitely a more subdued trip.]
Even the questions from reporters during James' pregame media session focused on his recent play and the Cavs' All-Star snubs.
[Like that time he went for 52, 11 and 10? Yeah, I'd probably ask about that too.]
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Save a Championship Bath Robe for Jesus
What an article…we have contrasting emotions, outrageous hyperbole, filler sentences, a Kurt Warner/Jesus joke and championship bath robes. That’s right. Championship bath robes. Take it away, Dan Bickley:
In the dark minutes after Super Bowl XLIII, the contrast in emotions was striking.
Because, already prepared by sportswriter groupthink with the “it was a good loss” column, Bickley was surprised to see that the Cardinals were actually upset that they had lost.
He had figured that they would probably be pretty happy with themselves and that their emotions, despite the close loss, would be similar to the Steelers’. It was a woeful miscalculation.
Didn’t they know that this good loss was just like winning? Didn’t they know that they should be happy with their effort? Didn’t they know that they were ruining the premise of a thousand articles currently being written by sportswriters all across America?
Oh no, they didn’t.
The Steelers strolled toward the team bus wearing white championship bath robes and smoking cigars.
Championship bath robes. Just think about that for a second.
…
…
…
Championship.
Bath robes.
…
…
…
I love professional sports.
They were in a state of collective ecstasy. Their lives had all changed forever, for the better, and they knew it.
I like hyperbole. Hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole. Get in my article.
The Cardinals were appropriately numb. The difference between winning and losing a Super Bowl is immense, emotionally, historically and financially.
Some other sentences that didn’t have to be written:
John McCain was appropriately numb. The difference between winning and losing a Presidential election is immense, emotionally, historically and financially.
The patient was appropriately numb. The difference between anesthesia and no anesthesia is immense, emotionally, physically and lawsuit-causingly.
Colonel Jessup will look back and think that he probably shouldn’t have ordered the Code Red.
Beer is awesome.
… What if someone had just pushed the Steelers' James Harrison out of bounds on that interception to end the first half? What if the Cardinals had gone to that explosive, no-huddle offense earlier in the game? What if the defense would've just stood up at the end? What if Santonio Holmes doesn't make one of the best catches in Super Bowl history, rivaling grabs from the Giants' David Tyree and the Steelers' Lynn Swann?
Then the Cardinals still probably have lost the game because Jesus was upset that Kurt Warner didn’t set aside a Championship Bath Robe for him.
In the dark minutes after Super Bowl XLIII, the contrast in emotions was striking.
Because, already prepared by sportswriter groupthink with the “it was a good loss” column, Bickley was surprised to see that the Cardinals were actually upset that they had lost.
He had figured that they would probably be pretty happy with themselves and that their emotions, despite the close loss, would be similar to the Steelers’. It was a woeful miscalculation.
Didn’t they know that this good loss was just like winning? Didn’t they know that they should be happy with their effort? Didn’t they know that they were ruining the premise of a thousand articles currently being written by sportswriters all across America?
Oh no, they didn’t.
The Steelers strolled toward the team bus wearing white championship bath robes and smoking cigars.
Championship bath robes. Just think about that for a second.
…
…
…
Championship.
Bath robes.
…
…
…
I love professional sports.
They were in a state of collective ecstasy. Their lives had all changed forever, for the better, and they knew it.
I like hyperbole. Hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole. Get in my article.
The Cardinals were appropriately numb. The difference between winning and losing a Super Bowl is immense, emotionally, historically and financially.
Some other sentences that didn’t have to be written:
John McCain was appropriately numb. The difference between winning and losing a Presidential election is immense, emotionally, historically and financially.
The patient was appropriately numb. The difference between anesthesia and no anesthesia is immense, emotionally, physically and lawsuit-causingly.
Colonel Jessup will look back and think that he probably shouldn’t have ordered the Code Red.
Beer is awesome.
… What if someone had just pushed the Steelers' James Harrison out of bounds on that interception to end the first half? What if the Cardinals had gone to that explosive, no-huddle offense earlier in the game? What if the defense would've just stood up at the end? What if Santonio Holmes doesn't make one of the best catches in Super Bowl history, rivaling grabs from the Giants' David Tyree and the Steelers' Lynn Swann?
Then the Cardinals still probably have lost the game because Jesus was upset that Kurt Warner didn’t set aside a Championship Bath Robe for him.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Good guys DON'T finish last
Nils and argued this point vehemently over a slew of text messages last night, but I still say that the best commercial of the night was the one about the free Grand Slam breakfast this Tuesday at Denny's. I'm not even sure how this is up for debate.
As far as the game goes, it was surprisingly exciting. But what put Pittsburgh over the top, exactly? Peter King has some ideas.
It's a story about the affection everyone on the Steelers has for everyone, basically.
[I'm not following....]
"It matters,'' said [Hines] Ward. "You're going to be a better team if you like one another and trust one another."
[Oh, OK. Actually, I was thinking a similar thing when Warner threw that crippling INT that was returned for a score right before half-time. I thought, "Wow, Warner just *totally* showed his lack of trust in his teammates. If the back-up punter hadn't intentionally ignored Warner's 'I've got five on this seat' when he got up to grab a bagel during film study that week, Warner would have definitely thrown a TD right there."
I am still a little unclear on how liking each other directly causes success on the field, though. King, do you have another quote that, when taken out of context, is creepy and altogether hilarious?]
"We're just a bunch of little boys, fooling around in the living room,'' Troy Polamalu said.
[Perfect.]
Chemistry didn't win the most exciting Super Bowl I've covered, but chemistry did wear a Pittsburgh jersey.
[Because chemistry, like players, can only play for *one* team at a time. Sorry, Cards.]
Chemistry got built three years ago in Pittsburgh when Jerome Bettis wanted to draw the franchise quarterback more into the fraternal graces of the locker room and started playing a silly game with Ben Roethlisberger, standing 20 yards from the goal post and seeing who could be the first one to hit an upright with a pass.
[This is brutal. One more.]
No one knows what chemistry is, or how important it is in winning.... It's one of those things you can't define, but you can see. And the Steelers are full of it.
[OK, I can't read anymore of this. And how counter-examples do we all need to experience before we stop singing this song (Reggie Jackson-Billy Martin, Shaq-Kobe, Hall and Oates (there's no way they liked each other, right?), etc.)? Enough already.
Well, on the bright side, only 16+ hours until my free Grand Slam at Denny's.]
As far as the game goes, it was surprisingly exciting. But what put Pittsburgh over the top, exactly? Peter King has some ideas.
It's a story about the affection everyone on the Steelers has for everyone, basically.
[I'm not following....]
"It matters,'' said [Hines] Ward. "You're going to be a better team if you like one another and trust one another."
[Oh, OK. Actually, I was thinking a similar thing when Warner threw that crippling INT that was returned for a score right before half-time. I thought, "Wow, Warner just *totally* showed his lack of trust in his teammates. If the back-up punter hadn't intentionally ignored Warner's 'I've got five on this seat' when he got up to grab a bagel during film study that week, Warner would have definitely thrown a TD right there."
I am still a little unclear on how liking each other directly causes success on the field, though. King, do you have another quote that, when taken out of context, is creepy and altogether hilarious?]
"We're just a bunch of little boys, fooling around in the living room,'' Troy Polamalu said.
[Perfect.]
Chemistry didn't win the most exciting Super Bowl I've covered, but chemistry did wear a Pittsburgh jersey.
[Because chemistry, like players, can only play for *one* team at a time. Sorry, Cards.]
Chemistry got built three years ago in Pittsburgh when Jerome Bettis wanted to draw the franchise quarterback more into the fraternal graces of the locker room and started playing a silly game with Ben Roethlisberger, standing 20 yards from the goal post and seeing who could be the first one to hit an upright with a pass.
[This is brutal. One more.]
No one knows what chemistry is, or how important it is in winning.... It's one of those things you can't define, but you can see. And the Steelers are full of it.
[OK, I can't read anymore of this. And how counter-examples do we all need to experience before we stop singing this song (Reggie Jackson-Billy Martin, Shaq-Kobe, Hall and Oates (there's no way they liked each other, right?), etc.)? Enough already.
Well, on the bright side, only 16+ hours until my free Grand Slam at Denny's.]
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