The World's Largest Outdoor Tutoring Party!

Are you a schoolboy or schoolgal reading The Theorem right now wishing that grown-ups and other homework-huggers would just arbitrarily cancel school? Well, unfortunately, you are out of luck. Your studies are important. Now take out that TI-83 and get back to your-- wait...... I forgot about The South.

As explained by ESPN, Clarke County, Georgia gave learning a wedgie and stuffed it in a locker by cancelling school for the county today in the wake of the bally-hooed Georgia-Florida football game.

Probably a good move. I mean, this is a huge rivalry, and the Friday night games are always crazy and I'm sure traffic would be a-- wait, the game is tomorrow? And in Jacksonville?? Huh? OK, I'm sure there are plenty of reasonable and level-headed explanations:

Although some parents and teachers are questioning whether the day off places too much emphasis on football over academics, at least one school administrator believes it's a wise move on the district's part.

[On a scale of 1 to 10, my excitement to hear the rationale for this "wise move" is a strong 14.]

"I've heard parents say that it's ridiculous, but the reality of the situation is, if there are so many people in this system and this community that go to the game -- if that's a reality -- it's irresponsible [to have school on that day] if that really is our community," said Barrow Elementary School principal Tad MacMillan, according to the Athens Banner-Herald.

[Just a quick thought, Tad. I actually agree with you here. It would be irresponsible to have school on the day of the game..... because the game is on a SATURDAY.]

Oh, and this just in: Local prosecutors in Clark County have exhumed the body of John Scopes and will be re-trying him. Opening statements will begin Tuesday November 4th. All schools will be cancelled.