Citi Field: Why aren't you causing the Mets to win every game?

Bob Klapisch plays the role of Buzz Killington in his breakdown of last night's Citi Field debut.

Everything was bigger, louder, brighter — a consumer’s dream, at least for those who equate a good time at the ballpark with the perks.

[True. I'd prefer the Mets play their games on one of the LGA runways. No grass. No dirt. No seats. Just asphalt, jet fuel fumes and baseball. Good time.]

But it’ll take more than the peripherals to make believers out of this long-suffering community.

[Believers of what? It's a BUILDING.]

The only way to eradicate the collapses of ’07 and ’08 is to win a pennant in ’09, which is to say, give it a month and Citi won’t feel so new anymore.

[Really? Those two things are related? Dude, it's a new stadium, not one of those Men In Black memory-erasing gadgets. Which is to say, fail.]

Is Mike Pelfrey injured?

[Why? Was he holding his arm or complaining of soreness?]

He allowed five runs in five innings, and with an 8.10 ERA has management worried.

[Oh, right, he's had a bad *week*. Obviously injured. In a related story, Chien-Ming Wang is in a coma.]

By June, depending on how the Mets are playing, Citi either will be greater New York’s nifty little treasure, or just another place where fans can have their hearts broken.

[Note to architects: Worry less about the actual structure, and more about the various people that may occupy it. And nice T-square. Nerds.]

If Shea Stadium’s legacy belonged to Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza and Darryl Strawberry and Keith Hernandez, Citi will be Wright’s domain now and forever. Only 25, he’ll soon enter his prime years in this ballpark, and with left field a manageable 364 feet in left, the third baseman easily could evolve into a 40-homer threat.

[In contrast to right field, which is 330 feet IN RIGHT.]

Learning that the ball doesn’t carry straightaway is just one of the many secrets of Citi.

[Soooo, they should..... swing harder?]

The Mets have the potential to rock the house in 2009, but not because Citi is a nice upgrade over Shea.

[Just enjoy the new digs, Klapisch. This isn't that hard.]