Monday, December 1, 2008

Jason Whitlock is an Insane Person: Vol. 4

Whitlock wrote this "article" last week, but I needed the entire holiday weekend to let it fully soak in.

My goal as a journalist/columnist is to be right about issues others don't see coming or don't have the courage/intellect to address.

[Let's remember he started the article with this "goal," shall we?]

Ball State's football season perfectly illustrated my problem with ESPN and why I believe the World Wide Leader is the most evil and destructive force in the sports world.

[Remember when ESPN fired you in September 2006? Yeah, I bet this has nothing to do with that. Not at all.]

ESPN is the enemy of the truth, and all who believe a pursuit of the truth is the lifeblood of a genuinely free society must stand against the Wal-Mart-ization of sports journalism.

[Enemy of truth?? Heavy stuff. Whitlock must have a grave and sober reason for reaching such a critical and stern conclusion....]

I reached this conclusion when trying to figure out why Ball State quarterback Nate Davis isn't one of the top-five Heisman Trophy candidates and Ball State coach Brady Hoke isn't the front-runner for national coach of the year.

[Yep, sounds about right.]

Do not laugh.

[No, sorry. I'm not. I just have a tickle in my throat. Honest.]

I'm cold and rational now when I tell you that Nate Davis is the best player in college football....

[I bet that Whitlock has plenty of relevant and objective evidence to support this claim.]

It's difficult to believe now, but in 1982 the 10 top vote-getters were all actually really, really good college football players: Herschel Walker, John Elway, Eric Dickerson, Anthony Carter, David Rimington, Todd Blackledge, Tom Ramsey, Tony Eason, Dan Marino and Mike Rozier.


Since 2000, here are your Heisman Trophy winners: Chris Weinke, Eric Crouch, Carson Palmer, Jason White, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, Troy Smith and Tim Tebow.

[OK, I get it. Playing QB = sucking at college football. It's a good thing that Whitlock isn't currently touting a Q-- oh.....]

The conversation about the Heisman Trophy and all things in sports has been dumbed down by the World Wide Leader. This year the network pretty much decided you had to play quarterback in the Big 12 to be in consideration for the Heisman Trophy.

[Totally agree. ESPN's conscious decision to promote three random QBs from the midwest (a huge ratings hotbed) actually caused McCoy, Bradford and Harrell to put up monster numbers. It's science.]

Here's what's more frustrating. Not one of the Big 12's quarterbacks is in the same physical ballpark as Ball State's Nate Davis. It's not close.

[Putting aside the fact that that statement is false (Sam Bradford is 6'-4", 220 lbs -- who's the enemy of truth now??), I didn't realize that Heisman voters were supposed to take the oft-overlooked "physical ballpark" trait into consideration when selecting a winner. Shows how much I know.]

They can't match his resume. Getting Ball State to 12-0 under the best circumstances is far more difficult than getting Oklahoma to 11-1. I know Ball State's schedule isn't as difficult as Oklahoma's. I also know Bradford is surrounded by far more talent than Davis.


Nate Davis has the tools to be better than Tom Brady.


Sorry. I just blacked out and hit my forehead on the keyboard.]

If you watch Nate Davis play, he looks like the second coming of Brett Favre.

[lknmdasbnf nmadnf;lasdfnnl;kadfn

I am going to put on a padded head-band for the duration of this article.

If these comparisons are true, how the hell could ESPN have missed this guy!?!]

Now, ESPN2 has broadcast Ball State's last four games.


Let me tell you what passes for courage and independent thinking at ESPN. Chris Fowler dropped Ball State out of his AP top-25 ballot last week....

[(shaking fist towards sky) FOWLER!!!]

He has never been a professional journalist a day in his life.

[Exactly. C'mon, Fowler! Act like a freakin' professional for once! Here, watch and learn from a true pro....]

I'm not 100 percent sure, but I'd suspect he hasn't worn a jock since junior high school.

[Jason Whitlock: Professionalism incarnate.]

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