Bill Plashke Takes a Stand...or Not?

Sometimes a headline just jumps out at you, like the Bill Plashke article intriguingly headlined "Is USC ready for the Rose Bowl...or not?"

To go out on a limb here, this will either be another vacillating not-brave-enough-to-take-a-stand puff piece that does nothing more than fulfill the writer's word count or a brilliantly articulated exposition on USC's readiness for the big game. Want another brave professional-sportswriter style prediction from your friend Nils? USC will either win or lose the Rose Bowl. I guarantee it.

Enough of my predictions that aren't really predictions, see what Mr Plashke has written to deserve such a mincing headline:

If media day was any indication -- and it usually is -- there are two ways to look at how USC has handled The Week That Nobody Wanted.

1) The Trojans are loose enough to be dominant.

2) They are bored enough to be ambushed.

He stole my prediction! Dick!

How could he also know that the Trojans will either win or lose?! And, just showing how his professional shaolin sportswriter style easily defeats my blogger in the basement tiger style, he goes on to say that the reason that USC might win or lose is because they are either loose or bored.

It's a double whammy of deep insight.

One thing for certain is, Penn State is neither.

No wonder he gets paid the big bucks. After fearlessly saying that USC will either win or lose because they are either loose or bored, Plashke drop the bomb that Penn State is neither loose nor bored. I can't wait to find out whether this means they they can either win or lose the Rose Bowl or lose or win the Rose Bowl.

This is the type of analysis you can't get from just anybody.

It has been written here several times that USC doesn't want or need this game, so it would be disingenuous to criticize the Trojans' players if they are acting that way.

But if they are, they are setting themselves up to fall into a trap of mistaken identities.

If USC gets upset by Penn State, Plashke totally called it. And if USC wins, Plashke called that, too. And if you are confused as to why everything has a caveat, it's because USC has mistaken identities and it is impossible to tell which team will show up. Like, medically impossible. You shouldn't even joke about it either, it's a real mental disorder, okay. It's not Plashke's fault, it's the team he has to cover. Jeez.

Carroll ... told them to stop celebrating the Ohio State victory and concentrate on Oregon State, and how did that turn out?

Once or twice a year, it seems, this Trojans monster takes on a life of its own.

That's because USC has mistaken identities. In Corvallis, the Trojans thought that they were Cal State Dominguez Hills. It was weird.

No matter what their creator preaches, they hear only an inner voice that reminds them of their incredible skill. They interpret this to mean their immortality. A humbling loss usually follows.

Incredible skill -> living forever -> losing to Oregon State. Epic logic fail.

Could they be tuning out Carroll and hearing that voice now? Considering Carroll was the one who first referred to this repetitive Rose-Bowl-as-consolation-prize-business as "Groundhog Day," maybe they are getting the voices confused?

Incredible skill -> living forever -> losing to Oregon State -> Rose Bowl -> Pete Carroll's voice telling the Trojans they have incredible skill -> Confusion. Relatively logical, actually.

... "We look at Penn State like they're the No. 1 team in the country, like this is a national championship," safety Taylor Mays said.

Say what?

Mays smiled.

"Hey, Coach Carroll could get us pumped up to eat a hot dog," he said.

Better than choking on one.

At last Plashke is able to say something without equivocation. And I can hardly disagree.