Jason Whitlock is an Insane Person: Vol. 3

I'm waiting for Whitlock to write a column that we WON'T be forced to mock. Today, Whitlock identifies the 10 best and 10 worst coaches in the NFL this year. His choices are fine, I guess. His rationale behind a few of the choices is, as we hoped, stellar.

Let's start with some of the 10 best coaches.

Jeff Fisher - Titans.
Most people would put Fisher at the top of this list. I don't because the Titans are undefeated mainly because Vince Young got hurt and went momentarily kooky.

[See, I was going to say that the Titans are undefeated mainly because they have given up the fewest points in the entire league (13.0 per game). But having your QB develop a mental disorder that results in suicidal tendencies is a good reason too. So listen up, Detroit, St. Louis, San Fran. Your atrocious defenses are not the cause of your losing ways. It's your QBs. And no, not their performance. It's their mental health and stability. (Although Jon Kitna is REALLY Christian; does that count?)]

Mike Smith - Falcons.
I honestly don't know anything about Smith. I don't know where he came from. I don't know whether he's a defensive-minded coach or offensive.

[I just spent 15 minutes trying to think of something witty to say here, but couldn't come up with anything that was funnier than Whitlock's actual rationale. So let me take this time to say that I rented "Cool Hand Luke" the other day, thinking that it would be a movie I would really like. Paul Newman as a rebel bad-ass, alpha male, defying the loser chain gang brass. But you know what? It was boring. Nothing happened. And what was with that random 20-minute egg-eating contest scene? Gross. At least "Ed" from the Naked Gun movies was in it. That dude cracks me up. Anyway, back to Whitlock's analysis of Mike Smith....]

But there's no doubt he's done a wonderful job developing Matt Ryan.

[Even though Whitlock didn't bother to look this up, Mike Smith was a long-time DEFENSIVE coordinator. So I'm not sure how much "developing" we can credit him with vis a vis Matt Ryan.]

And I'll give Smith credit for signing Michael Turner and making him a feature back.

[Ummm, kind of sounds like something that the GM deserves credit for, no?]

Ken Whisenhunt - Cardinals.
Whisenhunt loses a few points because he coaches in the NFC West.

[I compiled my list of best and worst coaches using the same rubric: Does your division totally suck? If yes, you are a bad coach. But because I'm in a good mood I will put you on the "10 Best" list anyways. Although I might say a few more things that make it sound like I think you are a crappy coach.]

The Cardinals are a nice story. But there's no reason to take them seriously.

[To quote J. Peterman, "Kudos, Ken, on a job... done."]

John Harbaugh - Ravens.
Harbaugh also gets the luxury of coaching the Ravens at a time when Ray Lewis is putting the finishing touches on a Hall of Fame career and making his closing argument for being the best middle linebacker of all time. It's illegal to run on the Ravens this season.

[No real problem with his argument here. I just liked the irony of juxtaposing Ray Lewis' name with using the word "illegal" in a complimentary way. A few years ago, that might have been awkward.]

OK, let's quickly hit a few of Whitlock's 10 worst.

Sean Payton - Saints.
I don't have a real problem with Payton.

[OK?]

Mike Shanahan - Broncos.
I consider Shanahan one of the game's great coaches.

[Ummmm, alright?]

Mike Singletary - 49ers.
Singletary has a chance to be a great NFL coach.

[I am starting to get dizzy.]

Signing off here, Boss!