Peter King Gets Paid For This: Vol. 3

What say you this week, Pete?

...as I watched the games through the day Sunday at the NBC studios, it seemed there were familiar names everywhere winning the games that mattered.

[Weird how that happens sometimes (that is, almost every week), right?]

Suddenly the Ravens are exceedingly dangerous. They've won four straight -- by 14, 19, 10 and 28 points -- and snuck into a tie for the AFC North lead. Finally they've got a respectable offense; when you score 37 and 41 points back to back, you're winning because of more than just defense. But it's still the defense that pays the bills. Baltimore is second in yards allowed and sixth in points allowed, but it's still a mystery team.

[This is probably my favorite logical and rhetorical weapon that Pete uses. And he does it a LOT. Pete will lay out a handful of reasonable and objective reasons to answer a question that has not yet been asked (or perhaps need not be asked). For example, here, Petey correctly informs us that the Ravens have been scoring lots of points and giving up very few points. OK, nice. So if you were wondering how the Ravens have re-emerged as a contender in the AFC, Pete has just laid out some pretty good reasons why the 2008 Ravens are a good football team.

BUT, this is where it gets good. At this point, you are saying to yourself, "OK, I get it. The Ravens are good, as evidenced by their ability to both score points and prevent their opponents from scoring points. That Archie Leach should give King some credit here; he actually broke this one down fairly well."

But then it happens.

Peter King happens.

After illustrating to you, me, and every-reader-not-named-Peter-King why the Ravens are good, Petey drops a "but it's still a mystery team."

Take a minute to let the pain in your frontal lobe subside. OK, ready? So here's what we are left with: Petey sets up an answer to an obvious question (e.g., why are the Ravens back in the AFC mix) by presenting objective evidence to prove his point, and then....... he asks the question anyways in sincere befuddlement as if he blacked out after writing the previous few sentences. It is as if every Peter King column is that one episode of Police Squad entitled "The Butler Did It."]

[Ray] Lewis is 33, in his 13th year with Baltimore. Maybe he isn't as fast-twitch quick as he was four or five years ago, and I doubt he can make the Superman kind of play he made in the Super Bowl eight years ago, when he caught Tiki Barber from waaaaaaay behind in one of the great athletic plays I've ever seen. But I can't tell any difference in Lewis at 33 from Lewis at 28.

[And two paragraphs later, the "The Butler Did It Hypothesis" returns! Lewis, at 33, is slower and less athletic than he was five years ago. BUT, there's no difference in Lewis at 33 from Lewis at 28. Slap a "QED" on the end of that baby!]

Though [Walter] Payton played long before [Adrian] Peterson's time, that's the back he reminds me of most. With nine minutes left and the Vikes trailing 24-21 Sunday in Minneapolis, they faced a fourth-and-one at their 41-yard line. The smart play said punt. Coach Brad Childress said punt. But during a replay review prior to the fourth-down call, Peterson loudly urged Childress to go for it ... and the coach did. Peterson, running left, was stoned, and fumbled the ball, losing it.

[That is soooooo something Payton would have done. Good call. (Note: I'm not saying that AP isn't awesome and shouldn't be compared to Sweetness (so delete the nasty comment you just started writing, Nils), but ordering your argument in this way is a LOGIC FAIL.)]

In the time between last week's column and this one, the Bucs did not practice. Not once. Jon Gruden didn't give his players a bye week. He gave them a bye-bye week. Smart move. You think his players won't come back hungry to play hard for him the last seven weeks?

[Ummm, I'm tempted to say.... no? Right? Remember the last time you took a week-long vacation? How hungry were you to punch-in that first Monday morning back at the office? Exactly. Take the points in the Bucs game this week.]

How about this: John Elway's single-game best was 432 passing yards. Cutler beat that by 15, the final 11 on the winning touchdown pass to Brandon Marshall.

[Ergo, Cutler >> Elway. And Elway didn't even have the diabetes!]

I'm not saying this is a trend toward the AFC being better at coaching the kicking game and recruiting good players at the bottom of rosters, the guys who become special-teams nuts, but here's one thing I find interesting. There are an awful lot of guys in the AFC who are nutty about field-position football -- Fisher, Bill Parcells, Bill Belichick, Dick Jauron, Eric Mangini, John Harbaugh.

[Exactly. It's long been known amongst NFL insiders that NFC coaches don't even know what field-position is. When questioned, Tom Coughlin told reporters, "I'd prefer just start from our own 1-yard line every possession so we can rack up offensive stats-- just like when I play Tecmo Super Bowl."]

Until next time....